How to Write an Obituary

An obituary is a written notice of someone's passing, but it is much more than a simple announcement. It is a portrait in words — a way to share who someone was, what they valued, and the mark they left on the people around them. For many families, it becomes one of the most lasting written records of a person's life.

Obituaries serve several practical purposes. They inform the community of a death, provide details about memorial services, and offer guidance on donations or other ways to honor the deceased. But beyond logistics, an obituary gives family and friends something to hold onto — a few paragraphs that say, in clear and honest language, this person mattered and here is why.

Writing one can feel overwhelming, especially in the days immediately following a loss. You may wonder where to start, what to include, or how to do justice to an entire life in a few hundred words. That pressure is real, and it is worth acknowledging. But the truth is, there is no single correct way to write an obituary. The best ones simply feel honest.

While every obituary is unique, most share a common set of details. Having this information gathered before you begin writing will make the process much smoother.

• Full legal name — including maiden name or any widely known nicknames.
• Date and place of birth — along with the date and place of passing.
• Family members — spouse or partner, children, grandchildren, siblings, and parents. It is common to note both surviving family and those who preceded them in death.
• Education and career — schools attended, degrees earned, and professional accomplishments or affiliations that were meaningful.
• Hobbies, passions, and personality — this is where the obituary comes alive. Did they garden obsessively? Tell jokes no one else found funny? Volunteer every Saturday morning? These details make a person recognizable on the page.
• Community and faith — memberships in churches, clubs, veteran organizations, or civic groups that shaped their life.
• Service details — date, time, and location of the visitation, funeral, or memorial service. Include livestream links if applicable.
• Donations or memorials — if the family prefers charitable contributions in lieu of flowers, name the organization and provide instructions.

You do not need to include every item on this list. Some families prefer to keep certain details private, and that is perfectly appropriate. Use it as a starting framework rather than a rigid checklist.

How Long Should an Obituary Be?

The ideal length depends on where the obituary will be published and how much you want to share.

• Newspaper obituaries are typically 150 to 200 words. Many papers charge by the word or by the line, so brevity matters here. Focus on essential facts, immediate family, and service information.
• Funeral home websites usually allow 300 to 400 words, giving you room to include more personal detail and a fuller picture of the person's life.
• Online memorial pages and personal tributes can run 400 to 600 words or more. These formats welcome storytelling, anecdotes, and the kind of texture that makes someone feel present in the writing.

If you are writing for multiple outlets, start with the longer version. You can always trim it down for print. It is much harder to expand a sparse obituary than to shorten a rich one.

If you are staring at a blank page and feeling stuck, follow these steps. They will not make the task effortless, but they will give you a path forward.

Step 1: Gather Your Information

Before writing a single sentence, collect the facts — names, dates, places, and service details. Check spellings with family members. Getting the basics right matters, and handling them first frees you to focus on the harder, more personal writing later.

Step 2: Talk to People Who Knew Them

Ask siblings, friends, coworkers, or neighbors to share a memory or a phrase they associate with the person. You will be surprised how often a small detail from someone else unlocks the tone for the entire piece. Even a brief phone call can surface something you had forgotten or never knew.

Step 3: Write the Opening

Start with the person's full name, age, and the basic facts of their passing. You can follow a traditional format or open with a line that captures something essential about them. For example: "Margaret Anne Colby, 81, of Duluth, Minnesota, died peacefully on March 14, 2025, surrounded by her family" is clear and dignified. Alternatively, something like "Margaret Colby never met a stray dog she wouldn't bring home" tells you who she was immediately.

Step 4: Build the Middle

This is the heart of the obituary. Cover their life chronologically or thematically — whichever feels more natural. Include education, career, marriage, and children, but weave in the details that made them who they were. What did they care about? What made them laugh? What would people miss most? One or two specific anecdotes will do more than a long list of adjectives.

Step 5: List Survivors and Predeceased

Name immediate family members, noting those who survive and those who passed before them. Be consistent with how you refer to relationships. If you are unsure whether to include someone, ask the closest family members for guidance — this section can carry emotional weight.

Step 6: Close with Service Details and Final Wishes

End with the practical information people need: when and where services will be held, the name of the funeral home, and any requests regarding flowers or donations. If there is a guestbook or memorial page, include the link. A brief closing line — something warm but not overwrought — can bring the piece to a quiet, fitting end.

Most obituary mistakes come not from carelessness but from the difficulty of writing under grief. Knowing what to watch for can help.

• Being too generic. Phrases like "she was loved by all" or "he had a heart of gold" are well-intentioned but interchangeable. Replace them with something specific. What did she actually do that showed love? What exactly made his kindness memorable?
• Forgetting key details. Double-check dates, spellings of names, and service times. Errors in an obituary are difficult to correct after publication and can cause real confusion or hurt.
• Writing too much for the format. A 500-word obituary submitted to a newspaper that charges by the line will result in an unexpectedly large bill. Match your length to the publication.
• Omitting the cause of death when the family wants it included — or including it when they do not. Have a direct conversation with the family about this before publishing.
• Listing accomplishments without showing personality. Degrees, promotions, and awards tell us what someone achieved. Habits, humor, and small kindnesses tell us who they were. The best obituaries include both.
• Rushing the process. Most funeral homes and newspapers will give you a reasonable window. Take the time you need to get it right. A day of reflection often makes a significant difference.

You Do Not Have to Do This Alone

Writing an obituary while grieving is one of the harder tasks a family faces, and there is no shame in asking for help. Some people find it healing to write every word themselves. Others prefer to share a few memories and let someone else shape the language.

At EverWord Memorials, we help families create obituaries that are personal, accurate, and written with care. Whether you need a starting point, a second pair of eyes, or someone to handle the entire process, we are here for you. Every life deserves to be remembered well, and we take that seriously.

The goal is not perfection. The goal is a few honest paragraphs that would make the people who knew them say, "Yes — that was exactly who they were."